Sarah Ridiculous

Baby Names

2010-07-18T22:50:00.000-07:00

Last week I flew into London and was able to share dinner and drinks with my cousin David. We were discussing (over pints of Kronenbourg) names for children and a couple he and his wife Sarah are fond of. We each lamented over the fact that having dated someone and/or harboring a crush on a person negates some otherwise perfectly good options. For example, because of a few dates in college, I would no longer choose the names Fahim or Abheek, which clearly topped my list as a child.

"Does this mean," David asked, "that you couldn't name a child 'J', "Sweet', or 'Sour'?" Anyone who has had the opportunity to meet a gentleman by the name of Jerry Kerr will easily imagine my guffaw.

Recent adventure

2010-06-29T17:33:00.001-07:00

I just got back from a trip to Tel Aviv. While in Israel I took a bus to Jerusalem and took a hop on-hop off bus tour through the city. It was very surreal to be walking around Jerusalem where Jesus walked. The bus tour identified important sites such as where Jesus ascended into heaven, the temple where he hid with his disciples from the Romans, the Mount of Olives, and where King David is buried. I hopped off the bus to walk around the Old City for a few hours, looking fairly Biblical (I was wearing a scarf over my head) and evidently fairly local because different people approached me for directions while I was there. I asked a colleague if I looked Israeli and he said, "You could pass for Ashkenazi."
Strangers: Excuse me, can you tell me where is the Garden of Gethsemane?
Me (in my head): Um, I think in Matthew?

My most practical purchase ever.

2010-06-16T23:13:00.000-07:00

Conversation with my niece

2010-05-22T11:04:00.001-07:00

Audrey: Ears are gross.
Sarah: Why?
Audrey: Because of ear whack. [sic] Ear whack is the color of Pluto.
Sarah: Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Mardi Gras

2010-01-20T22:59:00.001-08:00

I flew into Lafayette for the Krewe of Carnivale en Rio Mardi Gras Ball on January 9 with my friends Brett and Ameara. This year's theme was Motown, and Ameara's aunt was part of the royal party (dressed as Patti Labelle for a Motown theme). The ball was super fun and we danced the whole night.

2010-01-15T14:52:00.000-08:00

Molly put me in my place for calling her Don King with a chic new haircut. Such a cutie.

The time I went outside this winter.

2010-01-13T12:48:00.000-08:00

Crystal and I decided to make a snowman after the blizzard in December. The middle ball (pretty much exactly the same size as the bottom ball) was too heavy for us, so our friend Jay came outside in shorts and a t-shirt to help us assemble our snowman. The snowman had no forethought, hence the lack of arms, a carrot nose, etc. The weather warmed up pretty dramatically the next week, so he was short-lived:

An aunt again

2010-01-10T21:22:00.000-08:00

Congratulations to Joey, Brigid, and Molly Pitts on the newest member of their family, Charlie, who looks freakishly like his father. I can't wait to meet him next weekend in Texas.

2010-01-05T02:39:00.000-08:00

I was very excited to learn that my dear friends Shannon and Roddy are getting married this summer in Austin at the Salt Lick, where I shared Easter lunch with them in 2006. Shannon and I worked together one summer at the Mustang Island Family Camp. Her full name is Shannon Eileen Kelly, like each of my three sisters (Shannon, Brigid Eileen, and Kelly), so naturally my parents liked her instantly.
She is one of the brightest, funniest women I know and her fiancee is altogether too much fun for a professor. I had the opportunity to have dinner with them last year in York and am looking forward to toasting this great couple in Austin, perhaps with a warm Busch tall boy in Shannon's honor.

Crafty like a fox

2010-01-01T03:11:00.000-08:00

When I was a little girl my FAVORITE movie was The Frog Prince starring Aileen Quinn (Little Orphan Annie). My sister's child loves the film with a similar fervor. I always liked Princess Zora's blanket, and decided to make one for my niece for Christmas.

Fur helped me with the pinning and sewing of more than forty yards of red satin ribbon. We made the blanket slightly more fabulous than Zora's, with wider, shinier ribbon and bigger bows:

Don King does not appear overly impressed with her blanket in this picture, but Brigid says she loves it.

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

2009-12-30T12:11:00.001-08:00

Mardi Gras Shoes

2009-12-29T21:57:00.000-08:00

I am going to a Mardi Gras ball in January in Lafayette with my friends Ameara and Brett. I found these shoes at Nine West for twenty dollars:

and Crystal and I turned them into this:

Learning to read

2009-10-19T16:35:00.000-07:00

Audrey has been reading and writing like cray-cray (crazy). Find handwriting samples here: http://audreymorrison.blogspot.com/ This is what she said to her little brother Clark, who woke up cranky and fussy from a nap:

"Aww, Clark. Are you sad because your name doesn't start with a blend? Your name does start with a blend!"

Take heart, little dude. Your name begins with a consonant blend.

Poladroid

2009-10-06T12:21:00.000-07:00

I read about this program that makes your photos look like Polaroids, but I just downloaded it and think that the results are pretty fun.

Boston Visit

2009-10-05T00:25:00.001-07:00

Last Tuesday I flew in to have dinner with my cousin Amy, her (cute) boyfriend Ross, and her newlywed friends Sarah and Jesse. Sarah and Jesse did not realize initially what I do for a living and that part of my job benefits includes free flights, so they thought that I must be kind of a big deal to fly in for dinner and fly out the next morning. We had a great time at Billy Tse's Chinese restaurant in Boston's North End followed by a visit to Mike's Pastry, home of the most giant lobster tail (a New England cream horn basically). The filling is, from my web searches, 1/3 pastry cream, 1/3 ricotta (which I normally don't like), and 1/3 whipped cream. Soooooooooo good.

Birthday Girl

2009-10-04T20:04:00.000-07:00

My niece Molly had her third birthday party last month at my parents' house and while I wasn't able to attend, her picture is so beautiful that I had to post this. Great job on the cake, Mom. Molly is an adorable little stinker who has inherited my elephant memory, her mother's childhood temper, and her dad's accent.

Little Cuties

2009-09-15T13:22:00.000-07:00

Wicked on Broadway!!!!

2009-09-06T20:55:00.000-07:00

The musical Wicked offers a lottery two and a half hours before each performance in which they offer 25 front-row tickets for the evening's performance for $26.25 (tickets in this section go for more than $150 each). I have thrown my name in the hat maybe five times and never won, but on Friday we got to attend the most magical show that I have ever seen. Some combination of emerald eyes and blouses brought Crystal and I luck. If you find yourself in the city, make every effort to go...it is an absolute treat.

Brett and Ameara

2009-09-05T16:57:00.000-07:00

Last week I went to Minneapolis to visit my dear friends whom I met whilst at the University of Texas. We had a great time eating, drinking, shopping, playing Tetris, and enjoying the beautiful weather outside. It is actually already starting to get a little chilly up there.

The Getty

2009-09-03T22:07:00.000-07:00

Kevin and I visited the Getty Center in late July. I highly recommend the architecture tour; it really gave me a better appreciation of the (already) beautiful museum. One tidbit: all of the tiles are some multiple or fraction of 30", the average length of an adult arm. This human proportion was chosen to keep the space from being overwhelming to visitors. As per usual, I am a below average human being.

San Antonio Visit

2009-09-03T18:40:00.001-07:00

In August I got to visit my uncle Patrick and his lovely new wife, Nastasya. I had fun with her kids at Chuck E. Cheese, but my favorite was watching Zach and Mackenzie feed the stray kittens in the neighborhood.

How to hit on a lady

2009-08-13T20:58:00.000-07:00

This morning an older gentleman told me, "If we went to high school together, I would have carried your books.".

I'm immature. Sorry.

2009-08-07T12:41:00.000-07:00

This is the New York, New York Car Wash that I passed en route to my hotel in Manchester. Their slogan is 'You've tried the rest... now try the best hand job in the North!'

Black Sarah

2008-04-18T19:41:00.000-07:00

Audrey is trying to jump-start my biological clock. She asked me twice today and a few times over the past month if I am married (specifically she asks if I have a husband; she wanted Josh to be her husband until she figured out that he was already married to her mother). Sometimes in person, sometimes over the phone, and sometimes she dictates to my sister for e-mails and chats. I talk to her like she is grown up and usually either answer facetiously or else practically: Don't you think if I got married you would be invited to the wedding? I'll let you know, Audrey.

Audrey: Oh, hi Sarah. What are you doing? Is this Black Sarah?
Sarah: Of course this is Black Sarah. I miss you.
Audrey: Do you have a husband or do you live by yourself?
Sarah: I have a husband. Haven't you met him?
Audrey: I don't know. What is his name?
Sarah: Ummm... Joseph
Audrey: Are you kidding me?
Sarah: Yes, i am kidding.
Audrey: Are you kidding me, Sarah? A husband?
Sarah: I live by myself. Who should I marry?
Shannon: her prince
Sarah: Like Mary and Joseph got married.
Audrey: fhefuey
Sarah: I want to marry Prince Phillip.

diego baby announcement

2008-02-07T15:35:00.000-08:00

Temple visit

2008-01-18T14:03:00.000-08:00

I got to spend a long weekend with Shannon, Josh, Audrey, and Clark. Beth and Jennifer spent a couple of nights and MoMar, PawPaw, Pat the Rat, and Kelly Belly also made cameos.

Audrey is a wonderful big sister to Clark and there is never even a hint of animosity. Here she is feeding him for the first time and did as good a job as any adult about not making a mess.

Paper cuts

2008-01-08T16:58:00.001-08:00

I ate at a restaurant this week on a layover where they have butcher paper on top of white tablecloths so they don't have to do as much laundry. By the end of the meal, I had seven paper cuts on my hands. Ridiculous.

The gift of memory.

2007-12-15T12:33:00.001-08:00

I was eating a bowl of cereal today and got up to do something so that by the time I returned, my Cap'n Crunch was completely soggy. I ate it in memory of Charlie and was struck by how wonderful it is to have our memories, especially if you have an elephant brain like me. It also gives me a greater appreciation for the frustration and suffering that goes along with memory loss, short-term or otherwise.

I swiped this for amusement's sake.

2007-12-12T13:24:00.000-08:00

It was on the sign-in table at the North Texas Mensa Feast of Pleasures and Delights, which convened at the same hotel where I stayed for work. Initially I naturally thought, "Finally! An opportunity to be among my own kind!". This however, was a little too ridiculous, even for Sarah Ridiculous.

Why Social Security should NOT be privatized.

2007-12-10T21:47:00.000-08:00

Coworker: I put a ton of money into my 401K.

Me: What is a ton?

Coworker: 5%.

Yikes. People don't have a clue about how much retirement costs and need to be saved from themselves.

Overheard in Fort Lauderdale

2007-12-03T21:45:00.000-08:00

"You're a pig, ma'am."

Where did this man attend etiquette school? I thought it was a nice combination that he would berate and abuse a store employee, calling her names and finish it up with a 'ma'am'.

Hard work

2007-11-28T18:02:00.000-08:00

I was on call at work today for four hours. There is a big screen television there and typically a dozen people sitting around it, so there is always awkwardness if you want to change the channel. Today featured Sylvia Browne on Montel answering peoples' questions about the future and past. This woman asked, "What can you tell me about my career in the future?" I looked up and she had the worst fe-mullet I've ever seen. I thought, come on people, make it a little difficult for her. She could have asked me, whose only psychic ability is evidenced by my prediction that Long John Silver's would declare bankruptcy (I called it about two months beforehand). I would have said to this mulleted woman, "What do you do now? Because that is what you will be doing for the rest of your life."

Speaking of bad hair, you have never seen so many scrunchies in your life outside of the check-in desk at my work.

Uncle Rico

2007-11-26T14:45:00.000-08:00

I was just fooling around with the Photo Booth function on my computer and saw 17 pictures that Patrick took of himself when I was visiting Nacogdoches for the Chili Cookoff. They were a nice surprise to see.

Thanksgiving

2007-11-25T21:00:00.000-08:00

I am thankful this year that I spent Thanksgiving Day with my dear cousin Amy in Boston. We ate dinner with her friends in Cambridge (Marty, Alicia, Julie, Besserat, and Felicia) and then went to a party at the French restaurant from which she recently retired. At Petit Robert Bistro, we had yet another Thanksgiving dinner with her former coworkers and had fun drinking and dancing with French people.

All in all, a top night. I love Boston. I also love how in this picture I look like Ina Garten with a Dilbert-like skewed scarf playing grab-ass with my significantly taller cousin.

God bless YouTube.

2007-10-25T17:28:00.000-07:00

It has The Frog Prince and The Boy Who Could Fly, both in their entirety.

Turning into our mother.

2007-10-24T09:26:00.000-07:00

It happens to everyone sooner or later. Sooner, in the case of me and my siblings. A sampling of what we adopted:

Shannon: chilly barbarino, Tinkle Time, I LOVE MY FAMILY!, staring at the computer with one hand in front of mouth and nose
Sarah: chilly barbarino, clapping, giggling and squealing with delight when I get into bed
Brigid: Tinkle Time, a love of coupons (exaggerated to the nth degree), clapping
Kelly: repeating every single behavior from mom's youth
Patrick: 'comfy clothes', Popsy la Wopsy

This week's celebrity sightings

2007-10-14T20:29:00.000-07:00

1. 4 members of Blood, Sweat, and Tears

2. Alice Waters

Also, I was in Albuquerque on Saturday morning, in time for the Mass Ascension of Balloon Fiesta, the city's annual hot air balloon festival. There were sooooooo many beautiful hot air balloons, all going up in the air at the same time. I felt very fortunate/in the right place at the right time.

Debbie Downer pt 3

2007-10-10T19:17:00.000-07:00

The following is an exchange between me and this lady I worked with last week:

Her: I was out on disability for 10 months last year. My dog ran into me and I fell at just the wrong spot, breaking both legs.

Me: Did you have the dog put down?

She looked at me like Cruella Devil. Speaking of, winter (i.e. fur season) is approaching.

Sick hobbies

2007-10-08T23:36:00.000-07:00

I cannot fully explain why I enjoy the following two utterly tactless hobbies any more than I can rationalize my love of Maury Povich and William Drayton Jr. (commonly known as Flavor Flav).

1. I visit Nacogdoches' newspaper website and looking at engagement announcements in order to laugh at ridiculous-looking couples/pictures. I can kill a couple of hours easily doing this, and I generally laugh until I cry. It is a gem.

2. When a couple I know is getting married, I check out their registries to see if their selections are in good taste.

Ahmadinejad

2007-10-04T17:40:00.000-07:00

When the Iranian president spoke recently at Columbia University, I asked Rachel if it was bad that I think he is attractive. "I do too!", she replied. In the past, I mentioned the same thing to my Iranian-American friend Rouzheen, who answered, "Well, he is the anti-Christ, so yeah, it is bad."

DC

2007-10-04T17:03:00.000-07:00

I just returned from spending two days in our nation's capital. Pops was there to receive the Attorney General's Award for Distinguished Service for a case which resulted in the largest-ever criminal penalty for a case involving deliberate pollution from ships and the intentional falsification of ship records- more than $37 million. We attended the ceremony at Constitution Hall and also visited the Washington Monument, World War II Memorial, and the Holocaust Museum. I was so thankful to be able to attend and get to see my dad receive his award.

The acting attorney general thanked the families of the prosecutors for giving up their loved ones for all of the time and energy commitments. As the applause began, my mother answered, "De nada."

Uncle Jesse

2007-10-01T13:23:00.001-07:00

I left two cans of hairspray at Shannon's house and my can in New Jersey ran out and my hair is hurting. I am realizing just how much like Jesse Katsopolis I am becoming.

Immorally cheap

2007-09-28T08:24:00.000-07:00

A few years ago, the company froze pensions. Some pilots and wives got divorced right before this happened in order that the wife would receive half the pension in the settlement while it still existed. After this, they would either get married again or simply stay together. Out of control- what kind of man would ask his wife to do this, what kind of wife would agree to this? Evidently, some of these couples talked about their fraudulent divorces, and now the company heard about it and there are firings, if not lawsuits, taking place.

I want more hair.

2007-09-27T16:14:00.000-07:00

Recently my sister told the horrifying story of how I, as a small child, mentioned to a mother that 'if I had a knife I could stab your baby'. To emphasize how out of character this was, she described how cute I was with an adorable wedge haircut, very innocent-looking. We then talked to Mom later, who asked if we said how cute I was with my little wedge haircut. While the point of the story was my shocking/evil quote, it made me wish that I now had an adorable wedge hairstyle.

Stereotypes, jokes

2007-09-26T20:44:00.000-07:00

Hopefully these are not offensive to you:

My Italian-American friend Linda posited this question: Why don't Italians have freckles?
Answer: Because they slide right off!

This woman Rachel and I had classes with in college prefers to date black men, one of whom warned her that 'once you go African, you never go black'.

My favorite meal

2007-09-20T16:19:00.001-07:00

Brunch: It's not quite breakfast, it's not quite lunch, but it comes with a slice of cantaloupe at the end. You don't get completely what you would get at breakfast, but you get a good meal.

Yesterday I bought a twenty pound bag of rice. Can't really explain it. Today my arms and shoulders are sore from carrying it home.

That Audrey's so hot right now.

2007-09-18T12:29:00.000-07:00

Audrey.

September Resolution

2007-09-18T09:38:00.000-07:00

I removed Tetris today. Now I can begin the process of making myself a whole person once again.

Audrey's Alphabet

2007-09-14T20:14:00.000-07:00

Miss Manners

2007-09-13T11:19:00.000-07:00

Audrey is practicing 'Yes sir', 'thank you', etc. She is quite the little lady. Yesterday Shannon brought home groceries and Audrey saw a few of her favorite items, including Frosted Mini Wheats. "Thank you, Mom. You bought orange. I love it!" She then picked it up out of the grocery bag and clutched it to her chest, saying she loved it again. She is super excited and appreciative about little things- it is like her birthday whenever you give her anything.

Thank you note.

2007-09-10T22:51:00.000-07:00

Dear Genetics,

I found my first spider vein this week. Just wanted to say thanks.

Love,

Sarah

I am in San Diego.

2007-09-09T21:23:00.000-07:00

Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina.

Celebrity sightings:

Last week I met Scarlett Johansson at a dinner party (I was eating lobster and watching the Wizard of Oz with Pink Floyd playing over it).

Last night I hung out with several of the Astros at Foley's Pub in Manhattan after their loss to the Mets.

Also last night, I met the famed writer and movie director T. Sean Shannon, who gave me a private viewing of his movie Harold.

I'm kind of a big deal. People know me.

Update: On September 10 I met George Hamilton.

New phone

2007-09-04T15:17:00.000-07:00

I FINALLY have a working celly. I walked to downtown Newark to the Sprint store (about a mile and a half away from home) and decided to take the bus home. As I was boarding the bus, I turned around and saw a man on the step below me lifting my wallet out of my purse. I said, "Excuse me." and he dropped the purse and got off the bus. I feel like Cher in Clueless, being robbed at gunpoint. What a creepy feeling.

Foot in mouth

2007-09-03T19:27:00.000-07:00

So this guy on Facebook scored 10 trillion something, and I was suspicious. I sent him a note with the subject line 'Tetris Trickster' and the message was "I'm on to you."

His reply:

i'm really really good at tetris
i have aspergers and it's all i do all day

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! Let this be a lesson to all my loved ones not to harass strangers.

Irritable today.

2007-09-03T19:23:00.000-07:00

We do need to remind you that the fasten seatbelt sign is illuminated. Do ensure that you carry-on luggage is stowed and secured. Do turn off your portable electronic devices. - a sample of today's announcements- the 'do' was making me nutso today.

Then as I was collecting trash before landing, this man called me 'Garbage Lady'. Unbelievable.

Twins

2007-09-01T09:56:00.000-07:00

While visiting Noor in Galveston, we both realized that she has a twin...my grandfather James Shannon. They share:

1. birthdays
2. a love of Bill Clinton
3. both spent a good chunk of their lives in Houston

There was more, but I can't remember.

My phone

2007-09-01T09:55:00.000-07:00

I lost my phone in an airport, so I bought a new one today. This means I probably don't have your number, so call me.

Two Things

2007-08-29T09:27:00.000-07:00

1. new haircut
2. new eye makeup Noor brought back for me from Chanel in London

The King's English (READ ALOUD)

2007-08-29T07:53:00.000-07:00

I take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble, but not you,
On hiccough, thorough, slough and through.

Beware of heard, a dreadful word,
That looks like beard but sounds like bird.
And dead: It’s said like bed, not bead --
For goodness’ sake, don’t call it deed!

Watch out for meat and great and threat…
They rhyme with suite and straight and debt.
A moth is not the moth in mother,
Nor both in bother, nor broth in brother.

And here is not a match for there,
Nor dear and fear for bear and pear,
And then there’s dose and rose and lose --
Just look them up -- and goose and choose.

And cork and work and card and ward,
And font and front and word and sword.
And do and go, then thwart and cart,
Come, come, I’ve hardly made a start!

A dreadful language? Why, sakes alive!
I’d learned to speak it when I was five.
And yet, to write it, the more I tried,
I hadn’t learned it at fifty-five.

As heard on the local news...

2007-08-15T19:41:00.000-07:00

Sources call the singer a 'recreational lesbian'.

ADA Malcolm Bales

2007-08-14T19:41:00.000-07:00

Conversation which just took place between Rachel and me:

Me: I asked my dad just how serious he was about this 'War on Drugs'.

Rachel: I was not aware that the 'War on Drugs' was still on.

Me: That was a blog-worthy quote, my friend. My dad will enjoy that.

Baseball

2007-08-14T19:08:00.000-07:00

On Sunday I added Coors Field to the list of stadiums I have visited (Astrodome, Minute Maid Park, Yankee Stadium, Wrigley Field, Petco Park). My family was in town for vacation (Pops was clever enough to check the Rockies' schedule), and I realized how long it had been as soon as I saw them- the last time was at Kelly's high school graduation, far too long. Molly is so big and cute and sweet, eating pickles with her six teeth (3 on top, 3 on bottom- I thought they came in 2 at a time) and laughing. Kelly Belly is gearing up to move to Austin and live at Kinsolving dormitory. Patrick, Betsy, and Brigid are about to begin another year of school, and Molly is going to start preschool in the fall. Luckily she is learning to walk in time, as Mom's preschool has walking as a prerequisite for admission and no one can accuse Miss Betsy of bending the rules or showing favoritism to her grandchildren.

Tetris Tournament

2007-08-10T20:49:00.000-07:00

If you are on Facebook, get in on the Tetris tourney. Thus far, I own the game and am looking for some real competition (ranking at this writing: 265th of 52444).

Rijksmuseum

2007-08-08T06:25:00.000-07:00

I went to Amsterdam, got some culture.

My favorite word there is 'lucifers', which is Dutch for matches.

Portugal

2007-08-01T20:02:00.000-07:00

I was in Lisbon the first half of this week, staying at Sofitel. My room had this super great shower head that is like a chrome disk on the ceiling and delivers a rain shower effect. After googling it, I discovered that they run from four hundred to a thousand dollars per.

My bathroom was also outfitted with a bidet, which I understood in theory but not in practice. Could I find someone immodest enough who wouldn't mind giving a demonstration? I figured this might prove difficult, so I looked up a demo on YouTube, which I thought was pretty funny. Next trip to Europe, I am prepared.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=8cunTYbi9yM

Green

2007-08-01T18:28:00.000-07:00

I'm doing the work. I'm not a slacker! I began to take steps in order to save the planet. The following pretty much make me a hero:

1. Turning the water off while I shave
2. Using cloth grocery bags
3. Public transportation all day, everyday

Marks against me: I don't recycle and I use aerosol hairspray. Baby steps.

My Little Women

2007-07-27T11:10:00.000-07:00

Betsy Wetsy on this silly picture: "Ugh. I hate Susan Sarandon."

Homesick

2007-07-25T09:08:00.000-07:00

I was able to video chat with Brigid, Kelly, Patrick, and Molly last night thanks to a program called Skype. I woke up this morning wanting so badly to be in Texas. Boo.

Rachel!!

2007-07-24T22:44:00.000-07:00

I am super excited today. Rachel is flying in this evening and is coming to stay with me during her Zac Posen fashion design internship. Since I moved up to the Northeast, I have been craving face time with my friends and family. With my erratic schedule, I often end up with a weekday off when my friend Stephen is working or is in class, so having another close friend here will be so fetch. I hope that I can be a little slice of home for Stephen and Rachel in New York as they are to me.

Noor is leaving Austin for med school in Galveston, Rachel is moving to New Jersey with me, and Kevin is headed to Bournemouth, England for graduate school. I feel that if I were to move back there tomorrow it would seem an entirely different city to me as the last vestiges of my best friends are all gone (many left a year ago after graduation). However, I am certain that I will still be making trips into Austin as my little sister Kelly begins her Freshman year at UT and will be forming her own memories of the city and making new friendships.

Sicko

2007-07-24T18:41:00.000-07:00

I saw Michael Moore's latest installment last week, just two weeks before my own health insurance begins. His movie, which features his typical clever editing skills, posed a really interesting question: Why, if you accept some socialized programs (like police, fire, and military protection, libraries and public schools) is so outrageous to accept socialized medicine? Hmm.

Another endorsement: Jarhead by Anthony Swofford was really excellent. Poetry.

Debbie Downer pt 2

2007-07-16T12:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I flew to Orlando and back with a woman who told me her boyfriend was very tall (6' 8"). My immediate reaction: Does he have Marfan Syndrome? I kid you not. After a beat, I said, "Sorry, that was the most glass-half-empty response I could have possibly had. Everyone else in the world probably asks if he plays basketball.

One more example to throw into the nature vs. nurture debate. I don't know if if makes it better or worse that my instincts are potentially correct: her boyfriend is having medical tests done.

Kwik-E-Mart

2007-07-04T07:34:00.000-07:00

Stephen and I went to a 7-11 near Times Square last night that is converted to a Kwik-E-Mart, selling Buzz Cola, Krusty-O's cereal, and Squishees. We got drunk on Squishees and Stephen joined the Junior Campers. Pictures to follow.

Batter up

2007-07-03T10:02:00.001-07:00

Last night I went to an indoor batting cage place, where I did not fare quite as well as I remembered from my heyday. The 50 mph might as well have been 200 mph, considering my percentage. I brought my cashmere-lined leather gloves that the Davis family gave me for Christmas as substitute batting gloves.

Did I ever mention that when I was twelve years old I snapped an aluminum bat in two? Hmmm. Maybe I needed someone in the background last night to repeat the mantra of "Head down. Elbow up. Bend your knees. Choke up on the bat. Eye on the ball. Elbow up."

Birthday Month

2007-07-01T10:12:00.000-07:00

This month is chocked full of birthdays. Shannon's falls on the 9th, Josh and Betsy's are on the 17th, and PawPaw and Noor round out the month on the 30th. Shannon and Josh's fifth anniversary is on the 13th. Happy Birthday to all of these.

recently-encountered oddities

2007-06-24T07:10:00.000-07:00

1. Flew with a guy who was a Showcase Showdown winner on the Price is Right. Each of his prizes were silver (a truck, a gown, and a tea set). He recounted the story with the clarity typically reserved for one of my elephant stories.

2. Met someone who is fifteenth out of eighteen children. His mother had her first child at sixteen and now at fifty-six has a two-month old. This family also includes three sets of twins.

Puerto Rico

2007-06-23T12:17:00.000-07:00

I had the nicest day at the beach in Aguadilla yesterday. The water was clear and blue (where you could see your toes) and the perfect temperature. I tried not to get too much sun, really. I rented an umbrella and put on sunblock, everywhere except my armpits, which are now a curious shade of pink in direct contrast to the rest of my body. Attractive? I think so.

My favorite e-mail in my whole inbox.

2007-06-18T18:51:00.000-07:00

Just a note to tell you that I had my first exam and blood work for my PSA reading on Monday since my cancer treatments ended in mid March. The doctor called me yesterday and said it appears that my cancers are gone from my body! God is so good and I thank you for your prayers and good thoughts during these very stressful times for me and Ma-ma. I love you and can hardly wait to see you again.

Da-da

Even better, I picked up a working trip that had a layover the very next day in San Antonio. Ma-ma, Da-da and I lunched at Silo, a cool restaurant with delicious food and then at dinner they set me up with my Mexican food fix. It was a really wonderful visit and I am so thankful that I was able to go celebrate his recovery with them.

A and B the C of D

2007-06-18T18:29:00.000-07:00

Noor Zwayne, M.D. did her best to ruin my brother-in-law Josh's Father's Day by being accepted into medical school at the University of Texas Medical Branch (I am assuming that is what UTMB represents) in the fall. She is on her way to becoming a REAL doctor, not some pimple-popper MD. Yay!

Shannon- I almost forgot.

2007-06-18T17:12:00.000-07:00

This is me, exhibiting joyous surprise.

Acting class.

2007-06-14T21:56:00.000-07:00

You don't know what you're doing.

You're bored out of your mind.

You need adult supervision.

These facial exercises serve to demonstrate why it might not be so terrible if the camera inside my computer were to break. Clockwise from top left: Worried, Confused, Happy, and Bored.

I love you.

2007-06-13T20:52:00.000-07:00

My previously empty three-bedroom apartment now has no vacancy. One of my new roommates, Olamide, works as a financial analyst for Ralph Lauren. The other, Linda, is a new flight attendant.

Two days after moving into her new place, Linda was leaving on a trip. She said, "See you later." I was almost completely unconscious at this point and Linda's voice sounded like Laura, my dear cousin. So naturally, my response to this casual acquaintance is, "I love you."
Her response, naturally, was dead silence. She weakly said, "Bye." and left. I am sure, sufficiently creeped out.

I am not typically so casual with the L word (no, not that L word), but I felt that a retraction would be more awkward than the initial event. So instead, I wrote Laura a note at the YMCA of the Rockies, where she is working as a camp counselor. I am also using my blog as the platform by which I set the record straight.

Harold

2007-06-13T14:32:00.000-07:00

I am looking forward to a summer in New York. T. Sean will be here, preparing for and shooting his new movie, Harold. Google it and be impressed by my connections- he is all over the place. The most difficult part of my new job was moving away from my loved ones; family nearby will be wonderful.

Today is the first day that I am back in my apartment in at least ten days. I have been all over the place (most recently London, Belfast, Dominican Republic, Seattle, and Orange County). What this means is that I have had a tougher time than usual keeping in touch with everyone, but I am working on that.

Graduation

2007-05-29T20:14:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to Kelly Belly, who graduated second in her class on Friday. I was lucky enough to be able to attend and hear her speech. Next up for her is the University of Texas in Austin, my alma mater.

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

2007-05-26T23:26:00.000-07:00

Or...Why I am the queen of public transportation.

Keep in mind that this route was accomplished with two suitcases. This is how I arrived at my home in Newark from my family's home in Nacogdoches today:

1. Drive from Nacogdoches to Houston with Patrick.
2. Fly from IAH to LGA (all of the flights to Newark were oversold by more than fifty).
3. Take the M60 bus from LaGuardia to 125th St.
4. Take the 2 red line subway to New York Penn Station.
5. Take the 1:37 am NJ Transit train from New York Penn Station to Newark Penn Station.
6. Taxi cab ride home, only to discover that because I turned off the air conditioning prior to leaving town on Thursday, the apartment is now a sweltering 85 degrees.

Land of a Thousand Lakes

2007-05-20T21:53:00.001-07:00

I returned recently from visiting my dear friends Brett and Ameara in Minneapolis. The last time I had seen them since we all graduated from UT was at their wedding on December 30. Ameara and I spent lots of quality time together shopping, getting haircuts, and just being together. We went to the U (what the natives call the University of Minnesota) and saw its art museum and then later went to the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden, home of Spoonbridge and Cherry.

Ameara and I went to see Brett in a cycling race at the National Sports Center in Blaine. That this velodrome was in Blaine got me all excited, Waiting for Guffman-style. The Blaine in Waiting for Guffman is in Missouri, but I feel that they are sister cities on some level. "There's a saying, if you don't like the weather just wait five minutes. In Blaine, with hard work, I think we can get that down to three or four minutes."

Mi Familia

2007-05-19T17:18:00.001-07:00

This is my parents, nephew, and myself. I would be remiss if I did not also note my sister Shannon's hand. This picture is Clark about an hour after he was born. It was quite providential that I was able to be present when he was born as I scheduled my trip to Texas a week after his due date. I can only assume that he was waiting for me. After this picture, I saw him the next week, but haven't been back to Texas since. What this means is that he will have doubled in size and that I will burst into tears upon seeing him and seeing how much that I have missed. This scenario will almost certainly take place.

Calling you with a joke

2007-05-12T14:11:00.001-07:00

I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.
(Richard Jeni)

Toilet Paper

2007-05-11T12:06:00.000-07:00

“I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting.” Encouragingly, she continues: “I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required.”

This is a recent quote from Sheryl Crow, which she claims was a joke (I am dubious as I fervently believe that a joke requires an element of humor). It did, however, make me nostalgic for a former roommate who uses more toilet paper than anyone I ever met before. It also reminded me of my recent environmentalist roommate who exclusively used organic soaps, household cleaners, makeup, and food products and bought Seventh Generation recycled toilet paper. As soon as she moved, I went to the grocery store to buy paper towels (shameful) and two-ply soft toilet paper (deplorable).

"Read in order to live." Gustav Flaubert

2007-05-11T11:57:00.000-07:00

My dear sister Shannon invited me to a website called GoodReads. www.goodreads.com lets you set up a profile and rate books you've read and see your friends' ratings. An excellent find on her part, particularly for those of you who read books for bragging rights and so that you can complain about movies, "The book was better." Along those same name-dropping lines, I hope that someone appreciates my rather pompous quote that I selected for this posting.

www.online-literature.com features many full-length classics without (a big plus for me) any of those pesky late fines libraries are so fond of levying.

Brigid Bales pose, circa 1994

2007-05-09T13:44:00.000-07:00

Luckily, the chiropractor was able to straighten out that kink in her neck.

My surrogate boyfriend Patrick is in the city tonight. Good times.

Spoiled, continued.

2007-05-06T21:07:00.000-07:00

Tonight I saw a homeless man dip a rag in soapy water runoff from the maintenance crew's sidewalk power-washing. He then took off his hat and washed his hair, face, and hands with the rag, grimly reminding me of one of T. Sean's jokes (I saw a man digging in the dumpster and you just hate to see things like that. So I closed the lid.). The stark contrast between the way this man lives and my own pampered existence underscored how lucky I am and forced me to consider how many people live this way, in the United States and abroad, by accident of birth or otherwise.

New slur

2007-05-05T19:48:00.000-07:00

Guido- A sad pathetic excuse for a male of Italian descent; usually native to the NY/NJ Tri-State area. I gleaned this word from a driver's expletive-laced road rage. Two Jersey residents explained that guidos are 'the worst people on earth'. As I am always a sucker for a new stereotype, I consulted others. Stephen on guidos: "They are the most homogeneous group I've ever seen." My mother: "That Italian subculture is something else."

WARDROBE: tight zipper shirts, tracksuits, designer jeans, tiny hoop earrings, fake gold chains, and related Euro-trash garb and tacky cheese-wear.
NATURAL HABITAT: Known to frequent malls looking for club gear. During the day when not at their food delivery, telemarketing, or construction job, guidos can be located at their local gym or tanning. Can be found nightly at dance clubs. Most notable for cruising the Jersey shore (techno booming) in an old car which has been tinted and painted and sports rims.

Spoiled.

2007-05-02T18:02:00.000-07:00

Once your dinner arrives, exactly how bad is it when you catch yourself thinking, "Why does everyone seem to overcook lobster!?" At any rate, the crab stuffing my lobster was tender and succulent.

I almost forgot the most ridiculous song from the most ridiculous musical (Camelot), ushering each of us into May:
The lusty month of May!
That darling month when ev'ryone throws
Self-control away.
It's time to do
A wretched thing or two,
And try to make each precious day
One you'll always rue!
It's May! It's May!
The month of "yes you may,"
The time for ev'ry frivolous whim,
Proper or "im."
It's wild! It's gay!
A blot in ev'ry way.
The lusty month of May.
A libelous display!

Do your taxes.

2007-04-29T13:21:00.000-07:00

Delinquent though I was, yesterday when I filed my taxes I was rewarded with a nice refund. A bright spot in my afternoon.

Rekindled Friendships

2007-04-28T11:47:00.000-07:00

I just got back in touch with my very dear friend Shannon Kelly, which makes me super happy as I love her so much and she is at all times hilarious. Her advice in a recent e-mail cracked me up:

"Keep up the good work ordering drinks on the rocks, and don't let those skeezy pilots try to buy you a cheap and cheesy drink ("No sir, I'll have a Martini...dry...shaken not stirred...you can put that order for a Sex on the Beach up your ass"). I always knew you'd make me proud."

Debbie Downer

2007-04-28T06:16:00.000-07:00

After hearing about a woman in Texas who recently committed suicide, my mother, the perennial optimist, had this to offer: "I read a book on suicide. Women don't usually do it, but when they do, it's not violent. She probably took pills." (waa-waa) "The prototypical person to commit suicide is a 40-year-old white male." (waa-waa) "The most popular days to do it are Monday and Friday. So if you have a friend who is on the edge, you can leave him by himself Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Hang out with him on Monday and Friday...Ed killed himself on a Monday." (WAA-WAA!)

Friends of Betsy- if you are feeling ill, this is a sneak peek of her bedside manner. Call someone else if you are hoping to be cheered up, like Marilyn Manson.

Audreylicious

2007-04-27T20:15:00.000-07:00

Audrey left me the SWEETEST voicemail yesterday. There is not much nicer than hearing a two-year-old tell you that she loves you, misses you, and wants you to come see her. I have finally found someone who enjoys taking pictures of herself as much as I do; this is how our comic book characters will look.

In other news, someone did an impossibly good casting job on the Get Smart movie. Steve Carell is filling Don Adams' shoes while Anne Hathaway will be 99. Can't wait.

Providence

2007-04-26T19:48:00.000-07:00

I learned yesterday why my subconscious brought me to Newark (with all its charms). My boyfriend, Paul Simon, was born here.

Rite of passage

2007-04-26T19:22:00.001-07:00

For most teenagers, turning 18 means that you can vote, buy porn, and smoke cigarettes. In my case, it meant being able (and allowed) to go to comedy clubs, where I met three men who each bore strong resemblence to my uncles T. Sean, Charlie, and Patrick. Only with more debauchery and profanity than I ever witnessed before. Thinking about that now makes me smile because it shows a certain level of respect- initially for my innocence and then later for my increased maturity.

A Charlie joke from my formative years: Did you hear about the corduroy pillows? They're making head lines everywhere!

Brigid's Soulmate

2007-04-25T12:51:00.000-07:00

I flew with a man who quite possibly enjoys coupons more than my little sister. Never except on her face have I seen such exuberance regarding the art of coupon clipping and tricks of the trade. Evidently the secret is that grocery stores in Texas double and triple coupons under a certain sum (say, 50 cents). Coupon manufacturers are aware of this practice and so distribute 55 and 60 cent savings, rendering them ultimately less valuable than those with a lower face value. At this point in the story, this man is poised to burst with excitement. The trick, as a flight attendant, is to collect the circulars from around the country in regions where stores do not multiply coupon face values- these will be under the threshold and therefore will be multiplied in Texas. Also, he advised me to pay attention to the local ads as stores will typically put coupon items on sale a few days or a week after the coupon appears in the newspaper.

Brigid, my dear sister, you are a mere amateur.