Do your taxes.

Delinquent though I was, yesterday when I filed my taxes I was rewarded with a nice refund. A bright spot in my afternoon.

Rekindled Friendships

I just got back in touch with my very dear friend Shannon Kelly, which makes me super happy as I love her so much and she is at all times hilarious. Her advice in a recent e-mail cracked me up:

"Keep up the good work ordering drinks on the rocks, and don't let those skeezy pilots try to buy you a cheap and cheesy drink ("No sir, I'll have a Martini...dry...shaken not stirred...you can put that order for a Sex on the Beach up your ass"). I always knew you'd make me proud."

Debbie Downer

After hearing about a woman in Texas who recently committed suicide, my mother, the perennial optimist, had this to offer: "I read a book on suicide. Women don't usually do it, but when they do, it's not violent. She probably took pills." (waa-waa) "The prototypical person to commit suicide is a 40-year-old white male." (waa-waa) "The most popular days to do it are Monday and Friday. So if you have a friend who is on the edge, you can leave him by himself Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Hang out with him on Monday and Friday...Ed killed himself on a Monday." (WAA-WAA!)

Friends of Betsy- if you are feeling ill, this is a sneak peek of her bedside manner. Call someone else if you are hoping to be cheered up, like Marilyn Manson.

Audreylicious

Audrey left me the SWEETEST voicemail yesterday. There is not much nicer than hearing a two-year-old tell you that she loves you, misses you, and wants you to come see her. I have finally found someone who enjoys taking pictures of herself as much as I do; this is how our comic book characters will look.

In other news, someone did an impossibly good casting job on the Get Smart movie. Steve Carell is filling Don Adams' shoes while Anne Hathaway will be 99. Can't wait.

Providence

I learned yesterday why my subconscious brought me to Newark (with all its charms). My boyfriend, Paul Simon, was born here.

Rite of passage

For most teenagers, turning 18 means that you can vote, buy porn, and smoke cigarettes. In my case, it meant being able (and allowed) to go to comedy clubs, where I met three men who each bore strong resemblence to my uncles T. Sean, Charlie, and Patrick. Only with more debauchery and profanity than I ever witnessed before. Thinking about that now makes me smile because it shows a certain level of respect- initially for my innocence and then later for my increased maturity.

A Charlie joke from my formative years: Did you hear about the corduroy pillows? They're making head lines everywhere!

Brigid's Soulmate

I flew with a man who quite possibly enjoys coupons more than my little sister. Never except on her face have I seen such exuberance regarding the art of coupon clipping and tricks of the trade. Evidently the secret is that grocery stores in Texas double and triple coupons under a certain sum (say, 50 cents). Coupon manufacturers are aware of this practice and so distribute 55 and 60 cent savings, rendering them ultimately less valuable than those with a lower face value. At this point in the story, this man is poised to burst with excitement. The trick, as a flight attendant, is to collect the circulars from around the country in regions where stores do not multiply coupon face values- these will be under the threshold and therefore will be multiplied in Texas. Also, he advised me to pay attention to the local ads as stores will typically put coupon items on sale a few days or a week after the coupon appears in the newspaper.

Brigid, my dear sister, you are a mere amateur.