Immorally cheap

A few years ago, the company froze pensions. Some pilots and wives got divorced right before this happened in order that the wife would receive half the pension in the settlement while it still existed. After this, they would either get married again or simply stay together. Out of control- what kind of man would ask his wife to do this, what kind of wife would agree to this? Evidently, some of these couples talked about their fraudulent divorces, and now the company heard about it and there are firings, if not lawsuits, taking place.

I want more hair.

Recently my sister told the horrifying story of how I, as a small child, mentioned to a mother that 'if I had a knife I could stab your baby'. To emphasize how out of character this was, she described how cute I was with an adorable wedge haircut, very innocent-looking. We then talked to Mom later, who asked if we said how cute I was with my little wedge haircut. While the point of the story was my shocking/evil quote, it made me wish that I now had an adorable wedge hairstyle.

Stereotypes, jokes

Hopefully these are not offensive to you:

My Italian-American friend Linda posited this question: Why don't Italians have freckles?
Answer: Because they slide right off!

This woman Rachel and I had classes with in college prefers to date black men, one of whom warned her that 'once you go African, you never go black'.

My favorite meal

Brunch: It's not quite breakfast, it's not quite lunch, but it comes with a slice of cantaloupe at the end. You don't get completely what you would get at breakfast, but you get a good meal.

Yesterday I bought a twenty pound bag of rice. Can't really explain it. Today my arms and shoulders are sore from carrying it home.

That Audrey's so hot right now.

Audrey.

September Resolution

I removed Tetris today. Now I can begin the process of making myself a whole person once again.

Audrey's Alphabet

Miss Manners

Audrey is practicing 'Yes sir', 'thank you', etc. She is quite the little lady. Yesterday Shannon brought home groceries and Audrey saw a few of her favorite items, including Frosted Mini Wheats. "Thank you, Mom. You bought orange. I love it!" She then picked it up out of the grocery bag and clutched it to her chest, saying she loved it again. She is super excited and appreciative about little things- it is like her birthday whenever you give her anything.

Thank you note.

Dear Genetics,

I found my first spider vein this week. Just wanted to say thanks.

Love,

Sarah

I am in San Diego.

Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina.

Celebrity sightings:

Last week I met Scarlett Johansson at a dinner party (I was eating lobster and watching the Wizard of Oz with Pink Floyd playing over it).

Last night I hung out with several of the Astros at Foley's Pub in Manhattan after their loss to the Mets.

Also last night, I met the famed writer and movie director T. Sean Shannon, who gave me a private viewing of his movie Harold.

I'm kind of a big deal. People know me.

Update: On September 10 I met George Hamilton.

New phone

I FINALLY have a working celly. I walked to downtown Newark to the Sprint store (about a mile and a half away from home) and decided to take the bus home. As I was boarding the bus, I turned around and saw a man on the step below me lifting my wallet out of my purse. I said, "Excuse me." and he dropped the purse and got off the bus. I feel like Cher in Clueless, being robbed at gunpoint. What a creepy feeling.

Foot in mouth

So this guy on Facebook scored 10 trillion something, and I was suspicious. I sent him a note with the subject line 'Tetris Trickster' and the message was "I'm on to you."

His reply:

i'm really really good at tetris
i have aspergers and it's all i do all day


WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! Let this be a lesson to all my loved ones not to harass strangers.

Irritable today.

We do need to remind you that the fasten seatbelt sign is illuminated. Do ensure that you carry-on luggage is stowed and secured. Do turn off your portable electronic devices. - a sample of today's announcements- the 'do' was making me nutso today.

Then as I was collecting trash before landing, this man called me 'Garbage Lady'. Unbelievable.

Twins

While visiting Noor in Galveston, we both realized that she has a twin...my grandfather James Shannon. They share:

1. birthdays
2. a love of Bill Clinton
3. both spent a good chunk of their lives in Houston

There was more, but I can't remember.

My phone

I lost my phone in an airport, so I bought a new one today. This means I probably don't have your number, so call me.