I find The Onion to be generally trite, full of hackneyed sarcasm and obvious (generally sexual) jokes. Recently I wandered over to their site (as I have seemingly discovered everything else of interest on the Internet already). Their news briefing read 'Strip Poker Ends Solemnly With Scar Explanation' and I had to laugh, albeit painfully. For those of you who do not know, I have a wicked scar in the center of my back which not only mars the impact of any swimsuit or strapless ensemble but also has ended countless games of strip poker.
So that I might never explain it again, let me tell you the story of my Phantom of the Opera-like disfigurement. I was stabbed and cut open by a butcher. End of story.